We all know that self-love is important for healing and for building self-confidence, self-worth, and self-esteem. But for many people, the concept of “self-love” feels abstract, distant, or even impossible to imagine.

Many of my patients say things like:

“I know it is important, but I feel worthless, especially around them.”

“How do I get there when my mind is filled with negative thoughts?”

“How can I love myself when my parents or parents/partner constantly turn things around on me? I feel confused, manipulated, and emotionally scrambled.”

“I don’t even know where to begin!”

“This is hard.”

These are incredibly common thoughts and questions. Many people intellectually understand that self-love matters, but they feel stuck when it comes to knowing what to actually do to build it. The truth is, self-love is not something that appears overnight as a feeling. It is often built slowly through small, intentional behaviors rooted in self-respect, self-protection, and self-compassion. It develops through the way we speak to ourselves, the boundaries we practice, the relationships we allow, and the consistency with which we care for our emotional needs.

In my most recent article in Psychology Today, I discuss practical and gentle ways to begin changing your behaviors toward yourself so that self-respect can grow into genuine self-love and deeper self-compassion over time.

These are themes I explore more deeply in my book, Adult Children of High Conflict Parents, where I take a closer look at how these early experiences shape us—and how we can begin to move forward in a different way. Order here

Would you like more information about trauma therapy in Ft. Myers, FL or online therapy in Rochester, New York? Contact Dr. Hutchinson today »

Dr. Hutchinson is a trauma and EMDR therapist offering online therapy in New York and online therapy in Florida.

Copyright: 2026: Tracy Hutchinson, Ph.D

References:

Hutchinson, T.S. (2025). Adult Children of High Conflict Parents: Find Freedom From your Past, Heal the Pain of Toxic Relational Trauma, & Cultivate Lasting Self- Love. New Harbinger: CA.