Setbacks, failures, and losses are a part of life. For example, recently our Southwest Florida community suffered a devastating and catastrophic loss due to Hurricane Ian. Entire islands and iconic landmarks were wiped off the map. People lost their homes, businesses, loved ones, and the damage is beyond comprehension. In cases such as these, it can take some time to be able to employ “bouncing back” strategies because of the shock and magnitude of the destruction. Simply taking it day by day may be the best thing to do. Relying on social support, the community, and help can be all you can do to emerge from the rubble. It takes time and truly depends on the magnitude of the loss or “failure”. In time, mentally strong people may use strategies that may be inherent or learned, to move through such adversities. Also, research supports what traits mentally strong people may or may not have.

Research indicates that mentally strong people have certain characteristics and perhaps personality traits that help them bounce back from failure. As discussed in a previous article, emotional maturity is important for mental strength and resilience because it allows a person to see reality for what it is. Conversely, emotionally immature people may not accept reality and re-write reality and facts for what is convenient for their mindsets. Mentally strong people accept the consequences of their choices including the ability to move on. However, everyone can learn how to boost resilience during tough times by reminding themselves of certain strategies.

7 Ways Mentally Strong People Bounce Back

  1. They use acceptance: “It’s a part of life”. They realize that everyone has setbacks and perceived “failures” such as divorces, loss of jobs, etc. and they are a part of life. Some element of “failure” or setback is to be expected when taking risks and moving out of one’s comfort zone, for instance,  to achieve their goals. They resist the urge to blame themselves excessively by accepting reality for what it is and knowing that setbacks are a part of the human experience.

 

  1. They reframe their setbacks. Mentally strong people are both open-minded and flexible about problem-solving and tend to avoid rigid thinking. They provide positive and resilient self-talk to get through their setbacks. For example, the late author Wayne Dyer is famed for saying “if you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change”. Changing your narrative about a setback allows for new cognitive reframes and self-narratives to be created. For instance, an example of a new self-narrative would include how inventor Thomas Edison reframed his “failed” experiments. “I haven’t failed, I have only found 1000 ways that do not work”. He believed that every failure made him one step closer to finding the solution.

 

  1. They use their setback for growth in the future. They may ask themselves; how could I have don’t this differently? What did I learn works, and what did I learn that didn’t work? For example, if the setback involves a failed dating relationship or friendship, perhaps they learned to focus on the “red flags” or intuition they may have set aside at the beginning of the relationship.

 

  1. They are honest with their feelings and acknowledge disappointment. Mentally strong people do not bury their feelings, nor do they wallow in them. They acknowledge and give themselves time to process the setback. Feelings of sadness, disappointment, devastation, or rejection are common.

 

  1. They are optimistic. Mentally strong people tend to have an optimistic outlook on life. For example, studies have shown there is a relationship between optimism and life satisfaction through self-control and grit. They know that there is no failure, as long as they keep trying. For example, the late Steve Jobs was fired from Apple, a company he created. He later stated that “it was the best thing that ever happened” but used this as an opportunity to move in another direction, creating NeXT and Pixar. He believed there is a reason for everything, and that you cannot make sense of things looking ahead, but as you connect the dots of your past you can see there is a positive reason for “failures”.

 

  1. They make meaning of their experiences and setbacks through a spiritual lens. Mentally strong people lean on their spiritual strength to discover lessons. They realize that having a spiritual orientation can help them tap into a growth mindset. Resilience, the ability to bounce back from disappointments, and spiritual or religious beliefs can help make meaning of each experience. For example, Myths and religious stories across cultures have explored how people overcome numerous obstacles but end up eventually having positive outcomes as a result. Other questions may include “what is this experience trying to teach me? Individual spiritual and religious frameworks can help promote both meaning and positive emotions such as gratitude over time.

 

  1. They are self-compassionate. They treat themselves with self-compassion. Ways to tap into self-compassion when you may be hard on yourself may include “what would I say to a good friend who experienced what I am experiencing?”. Additionally, mindfulness techniques can help promote self-compassion. For example, using mindfulness helps acknowledge feelings (vs. pushing them away). Thus, when feelings come up, they may remind themselves “that this is a moment of suffering” (Singer, 2015). Further, they may remind themselves that they are not alone, we all struggle in our lives, and many are feeling the same way at this very moment. 

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Copyright 2023: Tracy Hutchinson, Ph.D

References

Childs E., White, T., & White, H. (2014). Personality traits modulate emotional and physiological responses to stress. Behavioral Pharmacology. 25, 493-502. doi:10.1097/FBP.000000000000006.

Everly, G., McCormack, D., & Strouse, D. (2012). , Seven Characteristics of Highly Resilient People: Insights from Navy SEALs to the ‘Greatest Generation’.International Journal of Emergency Mental Health, 14, 2, 137-143, 2012, Available at SSRN: https://ssrn.com/abstract=2118935

Oriol et al. (2020). Distinct Routes to Understand the Relationship Between Dispositional Optimism and Life Satisfaction: Self-Control and Grit, Positive Affect, Gratitude, and Meaning in Life. Frontiers in Psychology: doi: 10.3389/fpsyg.2020.00907