It is very challenging to interact with those with difficult or pathological personalities. Historically, psychologists have espoused the ideology that patients are in charge of their own emotions. If someone says something or does something, your reaction is yours and no one can make you feel a certain way. Most times, this is true if you are interacting with an emotionally healthy and mature person.  However, this is not the case when dealing with a Narcissist or emotionally immature personality (Gibson, 2019).

What is “Normal”?

Reactions of anger, outrage, helplessness, guilt, fear, and confusion are common because these individuals distort and deny reality, engage in pathological lying, and engage in gaslighting tactics. Narcissists and those with significant disturbance in personality,  such as borderline and antisocial (psychopathy) use these tactics whether intentional or unintentional (passed on by their own family). Regardless, the behavior is a form of psychological abuse and is very harmful (Sweet, 2019). They elicit these feelings in most people they interact with including therapists.

Within our field, it is well documented that psychologists believe treatment for this population is usually “untreatable” (Dingfelder, 2004). This is because personality aspects such as the way of perceiving reality are fixed and ingrained. Additionally, emotional immaturity or arrested emotional development is usually present. For example, these individuals may have physically grown up, but their emotional selves did not and may exhibit childlike emotional qualities. In counseling, maintaining effective boundaries with these patients is essential. Further, the presence of boundaries, limits, and consequences are found in all healthy relationships, such as effective parenting. Boundaries help both parties understand what is expected in a relationship.

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Copyright 2021: Tracy Hutchinson, Ph.D

 

References

Dingfelder, S. (2004). Treatment for the ‘untreatable’. American Psychological Association, 35 (3).

Gibson, L. (2019). Recovering from Emotionally Immature Parents.

Leedom. L. J. (2017). The Impact of Psychopathy on the Family, Psychopathy – New Updates on an Old Phenomenon, Federico Durbano, IntechOpen, DOI: 10.5772/intechopen.70227. Available from: https://www.intechopen.com/books/psychopathy-new-updates-on-an-old-phenomenon/the-impact-of-psychopathy-on-the-family

Roth, K, Friedman, F. (2003). Surviving a borderline parent: How to heal your childhood wounds & build trust, boundaries, and self-esteem. CA: New Harbinger.

Scharp, K. M & Hall, E. (2019). Reconsidering Family Closeness: A Review and Call for Research on Family Distancing. The Journal of Family Communication. https://doi.org/10.1080/15267431.2018.1544563

Simon, G. (2011) Character Disturbance: The phenomenon of our age. Parkhurst Brothers: AR.

Sweet, P. (2019). The Sociology of Gaslighting. American Sociological Review, 84 (5).